


I know what it's like to be alone

by sophie_could_be_gayer



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e03 The Nightmare Begins (Merlin), Good Morgana (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana Friendship (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Minor Merlin/Morgana (Merlin), Morgana Knows about Merlin's Magic (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophie_could_be_gayer/pseuds/sophie_could_be_gayer
Summary: Set instead of the events of season 2 episode 3.What if Merlin told Morgana everything? This is what I think would happen!Or: Merlin tells Morgana about his magic, and she realises maybe she's not as alone as she thought.
Relationships: Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 163





	I know what it's like to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Merlin fanfic I have written in years! Sorry if the dialogue seems off- it has been a while since I last watched the show.  
> Enjoy!!

The dragon, Gaius, they had both warned against this- decided the risk was too great! Yet Merlin couldn’t bring himself to care about the prophecies. Morgana is alone and scared; he could be there for her, help her! That’s why he snuck past the physician and into the sparse corridors- taking cover under the protection of the night. She has magic, there was no denying it anymore, and he couldn’t just leave her confused and fearful. He knew the feeling all too well. 

He snuck across the well-known route to Morgana’s chambers- memorised from the trips he had taken in the past to give her a remedy he now knew was useless. Ducking into a nearby alcove, he held his breath and silently wished he knew a spell for invisibility as one of the guards marched past. The consequences of sneaking around in the palace would be severe if he were caught and the boy doubted he would even have time to plead before Uther killed him if he was seen in Lady Morgana’s chambers- at night no less. If things didn’t go well she could call the guards on him in an instant and not even Arthur could get him out of it. 

Holding himself against the walls, Merlin made his way to the large, locked door leading to the lady's chambers. Tentatively, he knocked, praying to the Triple Goddess herself that Morgana would be awake to answer. After a heart-pounding moment, his prayers were answered. 

The door opened and the weary face of the king’s ward came into view. Her usually vibrant eyes were a haunting grey, highlighted only by the dark bags smudged beneath them. They created a ghostly contrast against her pale, chalky skin reminding merlin far too much of a corpse. 

“Oh, Merlin! What on earth brings you here so late?” Her voice was soft; it lacked her usual spirit that Merlin had always admired. The door opened wider with a slight creak and she gestured him in, swiftly closing the door behind them. Long chocolate waves of hair cascaded down her back. A few strands stood up awkwardly from where she had been laying. The moonlight shone through her window, causing her nightgown to glow as if she were a star. 

“Sorry, my lady, I didn’t wake you did I?”  
“I wish you had, I’m afraid I woke long before you arrived. What are you doing here? If Uther catches you-”  
“He won’t. I just, I need to talk to you,”  
It was now or never, Merlin had tried to picture what she’d say, how he’d begin but nothing could stop the anxiety from rising as he turned to face her.  
“I know about your dreams, the candle, the window; I know what you think it is and I know you’re right…” 

They had moved onto the bed, perched on the side like they were ready to flee at any given moment and maybe they wanted to. Staring at each other under the glow of the moon, Morgana appeared aghast and at that instant, he longed to make all her worries disappear.

“You have magic, Morgana.” He took a breath, whispering a spell under his breath, “and so do I” A flame had appeared in the palm of his hand, painting an orange light across their faces, dancing in the dark.  
“You’re a sorcerer…” she gasped, “but why would you-?”  
“I was born with it, I had no choice, just like you,” He paused a second as if considering how much to let on, “I came to Camelot in hopes Gaius would be able to teach me to control it. To use it for good. And I have done so so much good with it, Morgana”  
“If Uther knew... Oh, Merlin! I long to leave Camelot for my safety if nothing else! And yet you choose not to! Why stay? Why resolve to live in fear?”  
The servant sat for a moment, deep in thought, “Because I can heal people! Protect people in ways the knights could never! Sorcerers and all!” He exclaimed. “And”, he continued in a calmer tone, “I’d like to think Arthur will one day lift the ban- that he will be a better man than his father.” 

Tears fell from the noblewoman’s face as she slowly pulled her arms around the young man in front of her, who in turn let the flame in his hand fade. He gently returned the hug as if he were scared she’ll crack like a porcelain doll beneath him. His grip on her tightened as he felt her sobs start to grow- violently shaking her entire body with emotion. Feeling his own eyes dampen, he stroked her hair and whispered soft reassurances into her ear. 

“I thought everyone would hate me. For years I’ve told Uther he was wrong… for years I stood up for people like me, people like us.” She lifted her head slightly, “Yet when I saw what I was I couldn’t stop from wondering. Wondering if he could be right- if I really am a monster”  
Immediately Merlin pulled away, understanding gleaming in his eyes, and looked at her, “You could never be a monster, you are the kindest, bravest person I have ever met and magic can’t change that.”

Gently raising his hand to her face, he wiped away the tears that were still rolling down her face, she hummed, nodding against his palm.  
“Do you really think Arthur would lift the ban? After what happened to his mother and the sorcerers who have attacked him throughout the years?” Her voice still sounded unsure and teary.  
“Arthur has seen good acts of magic too- and has already shared a desire to help those his father would not. I promise you one day we will be free to be who we truly are, I believe so at least.” The warlock answered, rubbing his thumb against her cheek. 

She leant into his touch, relieved and content knowing she was no longer alone. If Merlin had magic it couldn’t be evil, not inherently. There wasn’t a single evil bone in his body and, as he had said himself, no magic could change that. The way he spoke about magic, healing and helping others was beautiful and she knew at that moment that Merlin would never harm anyone unless he truly had no choice. 

“Does anyone know?” she asked, lifting her legs on to the bed and pushing herself against the wall, “That you’re a sorcerer? I’m assuming Gaius does.”  
The servant hesitantly pushed himself against the wall beside her, glancing nervously at the door like the king himself may burst through at any second. “Yeah, he knows, my mother knows and Lancelot- I don’t know if you remember him- knows. A couple of others did too but... they’re gone now.”  
She leant on his shoulder with a small smile, “Tell me” He shot her a quizzical look, “You said you’ve helped people- saved their lives. I want to hear about it. I want to hear how to use magic for good.” Merlin let out a small chuckle,  
“Okay, but I’ll warn you! There’s a lot.”

Together, they sat on the bed as Merlin retold his victories against griffons, bandits, witches and sorcerers alike. He told her of his greatest battles, the people he met, Arthur's adventures, his destiny, everything. His voice became rough and scratchy as he filled the silence of the night and they both struggled to see each other as the room shifted into darkness. The sorceress watched his shadowy figure; his arms would occasionally propel upwards as he gestured along with his words. Morgana herself lay still, remaining on his shoulder despite his movement, taking in each word as if they were the most beautiful sounds she’d ever heard. It was assuring to hear about magic being used so casually- and for good too- she almost didn’t believe it! 

“I still can’t believe there are entire prophecies written about you!” she uttered hours later after Merlin finished narrating his life. With a snort, he answered in a raspy voice, “Ask any druid! They don’t stop reminding me!”

With a yawn, the warlock pulled himself up and to the edge of the bed, “I ought to leave now to avoid being seen,” He turned to the noblewoman and pressed a brief kiss on the top of her head, “You will never be alone, okay?” She nodded sleepily, the strain of staying awake most the night finally catching up to her,  
“Thank you. For everything tonight.” He gave her his signature grin, stood and made his way towards the door, pausing to turn back when she called his name, 

“Teach me to control it?”  
“Of course.”  
Morgana smiled as she finally let sleep take her.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally intended to be a Oneshot! However, I love writing this concept and will likely write more! So if you enjoyed it or have any ideas for how I could continue (and if you want Mergana) let me know!


End file.
